Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story