Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dating After Heartbreak
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?