Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple