we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
how does that bad decision feel?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
