yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected