I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
