everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
