He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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