he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
