No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
