I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
