thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
