so explain again why im purple
no
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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