the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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