Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well you can't waste a boner
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
