The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hippo gnu deer
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
