The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize