The police scanner is talking about you again....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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