Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father