I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
