Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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