i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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