ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i think i just lost a toe
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
