Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
