FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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