I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
