Just cropdusted the office
zippers are such a cool invention
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
