You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
