what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
