yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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