How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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