I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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