So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
