what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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