and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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