he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
