My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
