I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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