Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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