Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
