i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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