Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
