tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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