I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
