This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
