Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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