Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
