I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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