the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You work out of a Hotel?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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