I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
