Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
