All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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