I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
