if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
