I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
