10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I AM VODKA MAN
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
