she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
