I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
