Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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