Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
