Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
