hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
