Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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