And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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