Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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