White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
