I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
