the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
