Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
