Tell her she can't have a vagina
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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