Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
