when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
