Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
