Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
