Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
PANTIES FOUND
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