I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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