hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
