I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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