Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize