I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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