you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
