I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
