mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
