I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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