I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
