Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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